Andrew's View on Life the Universe and Everything

So there is supposedly racism in the Big Brother House. I am not a 'Big Brother' fan by any stretch and only occasionally see it. Now from what I have read and seen I think what is being labeled as racism is far more total and utter ignorance on the part of the other house mates.

The three girls involved, one of them being Jade, are just showing themselves to be completely ignorant of other cultures and people groups and merely showing their own prejudices. What do you expect from Jade's mother than to call an Indian 'the Indian'. She couldn't even pronounce her name for goodness sake. Having now seen her mum is it not surprising that Jade turned out the way she did.

Why a successful Bollywood actress would want to go in the Big Brother house I have no idea. Why Ken Russell wanted to go in either is a mystery as clearly it was to him as he stayed only a few days.

All I hope is that the viewing audience get bored of this reality nonsense and go and get lives for themselves instead of investing in a cruel freak show that tries to pass itself off as entertainment. Sadly we have until 2010 to put up with BB on our TV screens.

Let us be agog and feel pity for these utterly ignorant so called 'celebrities' who some people hold up as idols and realise they are not amazing and haven't really achieved something to aspire to. Celebrity is not a career or an aspiration.

There is only one person to have ever walked this earth who is worth aspiring to and even that is worthless unless your eternal salvation is secured in and through and by what that person achieved by His death and resurrection 2000 years ago. If you 'Live the Dream' and die without ever knowing what it is to know your 'sins forgiven' through repentance before the living God then I am afraid life has all been but a passing breeze, a forgotten moment with no eternal significance at all. Don't live someone else's life through celebrity or aspire to live life as your 'idol'. Be yourself, the unique beautiful individual you can be and get some eternal perspective in your life before it is too late.

Wow from Big Brother to eternal thoughts. Who would have guessed?

So the House of Lords upheld the introduction of the Sexual Orientation Regulations. Is this good or bad from a Christian perspective and will it adversely impact Christians for wanting to be true to their faith and not compromising?

This of course is a difficult question to answer until any inevitable test case is brought before the courts. However as usual in the media there has been a lot of hype and misrepresentation on both sides and a staggering but understandable total lack of understanding of the bible and what is sais. I think there has been a lot of alarmist reaction from Christians who probably haven't looked too deeply into it and are just going along with what they have been asked to do. However what caught my attention to it being an issue was that the protest and petition to the Queen was organised by the Lawyers Christian Fellowship. If anyone should understand the implications of this law then it is surely lawyers! So there must be some truth to the claims that Christians may fall foul of the law in some situations.

There have been several situations quoted where this may be the case:

• Christian Bed and Breakfast Owner being forced to allow a gay couple to stay there.
  
• Printing Company owned by Christians being forced to print literature promoting gay events or lifestyle.
• Church premises being forced to allow bookings from gay organisations.
• Church ministers being forced to bless same sex unions.

Each of these presents a a slightly different ethical question.

• The Bed and Breakfast owner is renting out their own house and surely should have every right to say who should or shouldn't be allowed to stay in their house. However as has been pointed out they must apply the same policy to unmarried heterosexual couples and certainly to anyone suspected of adultery. Be consistent and don't pick and choose biblical values.
  
• For a printing company refusing to print literature deemed to promote homosexuality again consistency must be applied. Do they print other literature that clearly goes against other biblical principles. But again if they refuse to print such material surely it must be their choice and they are the ones to lose out by not gaining the business. The person requesting the business can simply go to someone who will print their stuff.
• Church premises I think is slightly different. If a church isn't seen to uphold Christian moral principles then who is going to. By allowing premises owned by any church to be used for activities exclusive to the gay community could be interpreted as the church condoning gay sexual activity. Whether it be a gay activist group, gay 'civil partnership' reception event etc...
  
• The Christian blessing of same sex unions must also be refused for the same reasons as above. If the church is seen to compromise more than it already does then any opinion on anything becomes less and less valued.
  

In all the above issues and any others it must come down to the way the situation is handled in the individual cases. A Christian must at all times act with love, compassion and respect for the dignity of anyone they come into contact with regardless of sexual orientation.

If a person is 'gay' then they are still a person due the dignity of any human being. Being gay may not be a thing a person feels they have a choice over but having sex is. What is condemned in the bible is homosexual sex or Sodomy, as is sex outside of marriage and specifically mentioned in the 10 commandments, Adultery. Therefore any form of social care and support etc... should be offered to people regardless of sexual orientation. But should a Christian be forced to compromise biblical values and be seen to condone what is clearly stated as Sin in the bible as long as they are consistent in applying that to the other 'Sins' as well. It is not condemning the person or saying they can't go elsewhere but it is asking that the Christians religious beliefs be respected.

Gay rights campaigners like 'Peter Tatchell' are quick to condemn anyone as homophobic if they have the audacity to disagree with him. But surely this is hypocritical since he wants equal rights, doesn't he?. ie: the right to live the way he chooses. Therefore to say someone else can't also have the right to say they disagree and say Homosexuality goes against God's original design is definitely discriminatory. I am totally for laws that protect an individuals right to not be discriminated against on grounds of race, gender, age and sexuality as long as that doesn't require me to actively do something, promote something or say something that goes against biblical values.

I cannot and could not force anyone to be a Christian and believe what I believe. But equally I surely must have the right to live according to those values as long as those values don't physically harm someone else.

I signed the petition to the Queen. Not because I want these laws necessarily stopped and neither do Christians. I signed it because I think the government needs to know that a great many people still hold to the Christian principles that this countries laws were founded on. That Christians have had enough of being side lined in shaping this country and that we have a voice and will stand up for what we believe.

How long is this going to go on. How much more is this government going to keep telling us what we can think and say. How much longer can the rights of individuals to free speech be eroded before we have no real freedom left. These heavy handed laws based on fear and political correctness are degrading peoples ability to apply common sense. I fear it won't be long before Christians will be persecuted in this country for standing up and proclaiming the gospel of Jesus Christ because it offends someones beliefs.

Would the real Christian Believers please stand up, please stand up!

For an alternative and very balanced Christian view on this click here!

I can't believe how fast 2006 went by. Out of my nearly 36 years, yikes, that perception wise was the fastest. I don't know why, I wasn't particularly busy, it must be age!

2006 was the year I started writing this Blog as a sort of catharsis to express myself creatively........ ok also because I am an opinionated so and so and like sharing. I love reading other peoples blogs as I find it fascinating reading about others lives.

Memorable films were X-Men 3, Pirates of the Carribean #2, Superman Returns and Casino Royale. I saw many more but being a geek they stuck in my mind. Two of which I got on DVD over Christmas, bet you can't guess which ones. Since one is not out yet that kind or narrows it!

2006 was the year the 'War on Terra' raged on. The utter mess in Iraq got worse, thousands died, Muslim killing Muslim (I thought that was forbidden in Islam, oh yes, the fighting is largely nothing to do with Islam its all about power!). Saddam Hussein was executed and as much as he did some truly horrendous things I don't agree with the death penalty.

Rumsfeld went thank goodness but George and his cronies are still inhabiting the White House. It is not for me to question his faith and I agree with his stance on many moral issues but some of his decisions cannot possibly have come from Christian man guided by the word of God. Since he claims never to have read the Bible it is hardly surprising!

2006 was also the year that saw a great increase in anti Christian propaganda and outright persecution of Christians in the UK. Mainly from two directions, scientists like Dawkins trying to spread his atheism and anti-creation message and from the Gay and Lesbian vocal minorities with things like stopping courses on the Christians and biblical marriage in Universities (see previous entries). The new Sexual Orientation Regulations shortly to be made law will bring Christians wanting to uphold biblical values into conflict with the establishment. It is guaranteed that Gay groups will seek out Christian establishments and companies to cause trouble for those Christians who put biblical principles above being PC.

Christian Unions are under unprecedented attack from University Unions with some being banned from using University facilities unless they agree to nonsense demands.

All around the world Christians are being beaten and killed. This is going on in some provinces of India where radical Hindu's have enacted laws to make life very difficult for Christians to freely preach the Gospel. Also in India Christians were prevented from singing carols over Christmas and the Chinese authorities clamped down on Christians over Christmas.

TV in 2006 was a mixed bag. Invasion came and went. It had potential but like many US TV series got canceled before it really got going. Lost continued to be fascinating, frustrating and generally quite good. The new Battlestar Galactica series 2 was brilliant and has almost overtaken Babylon 5 as my top rated Sci-fi series.

Dr Who returned with a new Doctor and it took me a while to get used to David Tennant however I like him as the doctor and I look forward to seeing the new series with the new companion.

I had high hopes for Torchwood but have been sorely disappointed with it. I have now finished watching the complete first series and it is very unlikely I will watch any further. Russel T Davies couldn't resist stamping his pink propaganda all over the series. Given license for a more adult series he went completely over the top. The characterisation was rubbish with each person doing things totally out of established character. I think each character ended up in some gay clinch or full sexual act at some point. It seams in Mr Davies' world that he sees everyone as potentially Gay. He can't seem to get his head round the fact that only a small minority of people are Gay. I found much of it offensive in its implications and Heterophobic. If he had focussed on telling decent stories instead of his other agenda it may have been a good series. Instead it didn't know what it wanted to be. It was internally inconsistent and direction less.

Spiritually 2006 was a mixed bag. I started playing drums in the church worship team and that had brought a certain focus. I read more of the Bible than I ever have before. I have taken my faith more seriously than I have for a long time. This blog has allowed me to write and focus my beliefs and thoughts. However with that has come some quite intense spiritual pressure.

I want to read more in 2007 of the Bible and other books. I want to pray more spending more time with God and less on wasting time with TV and Internet. I need to find focus at work and stop letting my mind wander. I would like clarity on what God wants me to do with my future, to stay in IT or move into counseling. What does 2007 hold? I have no idea but God does and I am in his hands!

I was out for a meal recently with friends and the topic of men being shallow and unemotional came up. The argument went that basically men don't talk about their emotions, only talk about football/sport/gadgets/cars etc... when they are together and can't deal with it when a woman mentions something emotional. The very stereotypical viewpoint often reinforced on TV and in magazines.

Now I had to speak up at that point because that stereotype really winds me up. Now don't get me wrong, I totally agree that many men are like that. They come across as having the emotional depth of a wet teabag. The nearest thing they get to showing any emotion is when their team doesn't win a match. That is a slightly tongue in cheek remark but it is sadly true of some men. However I know many men who talk openly about emotional struggles and difficulties and are not emotionally closed books. I realise that this may largely be due to the fact that many of the men I know and have had dealings with are Christians and so are more likely to have had cause to express such things.

Now it is a total ridiculous to believe that men don't have emotions no matter how tough they appear on the outside. We are all human beings, created with emotions, able to hurt and be hurt by others. The big problem comes when women expect men to be like women in the emotional area. The fact of the matter is that men and women are different. Our brains are wired differently to enable us to perform the different roles that God created us for. Shock, horror, what men and women are different and have roles to fulfill in life that may actually be slightly different. YES!

These roles I believe, created by God, are not mutually exclusive. They are designed to work together and complement each other. Neither is less or more important than the other. Women, like it or not have a more nurturing role, hence they are far better at dealing with emotions, whereas men have a protective and provider role. Now of course I know this flies in the face of all the PC nonsense around today. But this is not saying that men are better in any way but just different. Also neither of the roles are exclusive to each sex. Men are capable of nurturing and women are capable of protecting and providing. However each has a natural tendency.

All these incidentally are characteristics possessed by God. God has both the female and male characteristics perfectly represented.

Now men are very solution driven. A mans brain is wired around focusing on one particular task at a time whereas women are better at multi tasking. This stereotype I happen to think is true and is born out by experience and observation.

In the emotional realm men work in the same way as they do in the physical realm. Presented with a problem a mans immediate thought is 'how do I solve this?' whereas in my experience a woman similarly presented with a problem wants to talk and share about the problem and how they feel about it, the solution ultimately being less important than the sharing experience. Now this fundamental difference is where the heart of the debate is. Gosh its taken a lot of waffle to get here.

Man generally wants to fix, a woman generally wants to share and be understood!

Now I have to continue to learn to shut my mouth when talking to my wife about issues and not present a 5 point action plan on the best way to solve the problem. I have done counseling training and how to listen to people and still that doesn't come naturally to me. I am constantly amazed that a solution isn't always required when talking to a woman, just listening and giving that time to do so is what is required. Similarly ladies, when talking to men don't expect a long list of all the things bothering a man at that time. If a man has a particular problem then yes he should share it with you but it will likely be in the vain of 'what am I going to do about this?'.

Now culture and upbringing of course has a huge influence on the way a man deals with his emotions. Your natural personality combined with upbringing and culture plus you life's experience is what I believe really shapes how you respond to emotions. I was brought up in a very middle class family and was privately educated through all my schooling. My dad is a typical middle class British man. The emotional side of things was dealt with by my Mum in the family. Now since my dad left when I was 12 his influence obviously reduced somewhat on me. My schooling culture, especially secondary school, was one of being molded into an high achiever. Also even though I was bullied I was expected to really deal with it myself or shut up. The psychological impact of bullying was not considered 20 years ago. Now I did become very introverted and angry inside but consequently have had to deal with the emotional results of my childhood. Sadly many men never get the opportunities of support and care I have had.

Many men never grow up in families where the father is openly emotional and so never have that as a role model, I certainly didn't. Many I would say have the opposite, where the male role model is emotionally distant, feelings are not discussed and the impression is that men should show strength of character through burying their emotions. The British Stiff Upper lip is so prevalent even today. Teenage boys are not encouraged to discuss feelings or show emotion seeing it as weakness. No wonder there are so many angry and self destructive youth around. Teenage years are hard and confusing enough emotionally without the extra pressure of not being able to talk about it.

Of course the perfect Role Model is Jesus Himself. No cold, distant and unemotional man was he. A master at asking the right questions and getting to the heart of an issue when talking to either male or female. He expressed his sorrows and emotions openly with his disciples.

Ladies, if you want a man to talk to you don't pressure him and expect him to talk in depth about how he feels about everything. Ask the right questions, learn when to back off and when to push a little harder. I think the best thing 'Men are form Mars ...' described was the whole men in their cave thing. If a man is feeling stressed or down he is likely to retreat into his 'cave' until he has dealt with whatever is bothering him. While there you will not get any response from him if you ask him to talk, he needs space. What a man needs to learn to do is to express what was going on when he emerges from the 'cave'. To tell you what was bothering him and how he has resolved it, if he has. That way you can learn to see the signs of cave retreat and maybe help him not go there in the first place. This is likely only possible if he has already learned how to express what he is feeling.

Compromise is required from both parties. Men need to learn that a woman is expressing concern and love if she wants to know what is going on and not nagging him to talk. They need to see that it is generally totally alien to a woman to retreat when troubled therefore it can be very frustrating for a woman to have to wait. Likewise a woman needs to understand that once in 'cave' mode a man needs space. He will return if given time, nagging will prolong the time spent retreating. If a man needs help he will/should ask for it and can learn to share what is going on inside him if given the space to do so.

Men do have emotions, lots of them! We just struggle to put into words what they are. Given love, security and an unjudgemental atmosphere we can do it.

My Name is Andrew! I am a 'cave dweller', but with hard work and support I don't go there as much anymore!

Ooerrr, what on earth does that title mean? Well allow me to explain, albeit in very laymens terms, since that is what I am!

Cognitive Dissonance can be described very basically as two conflicting thoughts, emotions, attitudes, beliefs or behaviours. If you have a situation where two of the above are opposed to each other then you are said to be in a state of Dissonance. It is also tied into your belief about yourself but I won't muddy it too much with that.

As an example say a Christian who believes they are an honest person and strives to be such lies about something. They are then in a state of dissonance. ie: the lie contradicts the belief about lying and being a truthful person.

That is a basic example but it gives you the idea. Now the more the contradiction the stronger the dissonance and consequently you will start to feel stressed the longer this goes on. Your mind will always try and tend towards 'consonance' ie: the opposite of 'dissonance'. The mind will do this either by discounting the importance of the opposing thing, ignoring it, misinterpreting it, or denying it.

I came across the idea while reading a very good article on a Christian leaders web site. I am purposefully not linking to it due to the nature of the problem being discussed. However the person writing the article used the term to describe their situation. Where, as a Christian leader they obviously had specific biblical beliefs yet found themselves doing something so totally opposed to them that it caused them years of stress, pain and suffering. This was also recently highlighted by Rev Ted Haggard being accused of having sex with a male 'escort' and then admitting that some of the accusations were true. Since Ted Haggard was an outspoken voice in the fight against legalising Gay marriage this is obviously a major contradiction in his life and he must have been suffering major Cognitive Dissonance (CD) for many years. A very sad situation highlighting the fallen nature of man and that no Christian is immune from its effects.

Now I believe from experience and many years in the church that Christians are especially prone to CD. A lot of the stress we feel and cause others could be accounted for as having some of its roots in CD. We are constantly being exalted to be accountable and honest etc... and get rid of sin in our lives and quite rightly so. But the reality is that many of us are afraid of being honest and truthful about the things we are struggling with. We fear being judged and gossiped about behind our backs even though church should be the last place that happens. We feel our sin is so horrendous that we feel if people found out they would cast us out into the world and no longer accept or love us. So when we are in a state of CD about a particular issue/sin we are battling with it is all the more difficult to resolve as the CD is as a result of the dissonance between the absolute biblical moral standard we are called to or peoples expectations of us and our actual fallen sinful nature.

I think a large amount of the people who leave the church citing disillusionment with the church or God are actually suffering CD and are sadly unable to resolve it. Instead they choose misinterpretation of the cause or denial and blame it on external factors.

It is a terrible thing to be stuck in a state of CD and too afraid to seek resolution out of fear of judgment and condemnation from your fellow brothers and sisters in the church. It compounds the problem and makes it worse. The church needs to strive to become the most nonjudgmental, loving and accepting place on this earth. Not to be accepting and compromising on sin but of the sinner themselves. There should be no fear of condemnation from church members no matter what the problem. There has to be absolute honesty and accountability but this can only be nurtured in an environment of unconditional love, support and acceptance of each of us. Then CD would be vastly diminished as it would not be allowed to get out of hand and go on for any length of time.

CD can help us, it is almost akin to our conscience highlighting areas where our behaviour is out of kilter with our core beliefs. But left alone it produces unneeded stress and suffering and can tear a person apart to the point of breakdown.